ANTM: If you can't make it here....i'm sure you'll be ok

I just had the pleasure of watching an old E! THS: America's Next Top Model. It included such epic events as Tyra's breakdown, Michelle's burning scalp, Janice leaving, why Adrienne hated everything about Model after she left, etc.

So, bear in mind that I watched this new episode after watching the majority of former contestants fall on their faces after they leave the show. Even to the point where Bre was BEGGING for a job during the interview. I don't kid.

The episode begins with all of the girls criticizing Claire for her tendency to be over-the-top and how she threw it in the rejected girl's face last episode for being chosen over her. I don't remember the rejected one's name, so sue me.

OMG, now they're reading from the freakin' teleprompter. Who in the HELL thought this was a good idea? I can imagine the meeting now: "Let's test the girls' literacy and make them scream out words and stuff".

Oh, and now the coffee's missing. I wonder who poured it out....apparently there was not enough drama so a PA poured it in the sink so Lauren can look crazy yet again, and then KILL IT (she's unique, i adore her) in the photos.

I just heard the word go-sees! is this the go-sees episode?! is it?! karen lee, stop talking, let's do go-sees. YES, 2 groups of 4. I'm so sure about the Sprint product placement. Did anyone else notice the Sprint cell phone close-ups in the last episode during the phone calls?

Claire knows New York. Those are the famous last words....mark MY words.

I'm sorry. Did Dominique just CAT WALK ON THE NEW YORK SIDEWALK?!

Can we hand Whitney the title already? The girl's gorgeous. (if you haven't noticed, i'm live-blogging while trying to rush out the door)

Lauren describes herself as feeling "very frilly". hey, at least she didn't say "curtainy".

Ugh, Whitney's discriminated against because of her size 10 figure. She's GORGEOUS. Ok, now Dominique is weighing in on that criticism. Can someone please tell her she won't work for runway b/c she looks like a dude? Oh, is that not PC?

I want to be Shoshanna's best friend.

Dominique just lifted her arms up Heidi-Montag-video-on-the-beach-style. I really dislike her.

I'm bored with team #2. the one with lauren.

Stacey Bendet holds the teams' fates in her hands. She looks like she just woke up from a bender.

Stacy-Ann is just so CUTE. not a model, but CUTE, like you wanna squish her face.

I'm going to reiterate that Bendet looks hungover as all hell since she just called Lauren's walk a horsewalk and then laughed on camera. Hungover. Bender.

Let's flash forward to the photo shoot. It looks pretty kick-ass. And the girls are bare, no makeup, no hair product, nothing. i'm on the edge of my seat.

...hello.....MIKE ROSENTHAL!

um. LOL um....did that really just happen? LOL. omg. um.....who does that? Oh, Claire, you just busted your face...maybe that bump to the head will make her crazy level go down to a 2.

Dominique's boobs are about to pop out. Claire's still hurting. Lauren's hair is making her look like Cousin It. basically, these girls are just grinding against the plastic.

down to the judges. Paulina looks great with the straight hair.

Photos:
Claire looks angelic. I'm surprised she doesn't have a bruise on the side of her face.
Stacy-Ann blends in with the background. Not entirely a good thing.
Kata-BEAUTIFUL
Whitney-i'm worried that she's about to leave because of the photo. Oh, the judges love it. nevermind....
Dominique-after flashing her cooter, she brings an actually good picture....i just ground my teeth typing that.
Lauren-looks dead. thanks for that, Nigel. you just made her almost cry.
girl before anya-great photo. that off-the-cuff pose is laughable
Anya-stunning.

FINAL 2
WHOA
CLAIRE AND LAUREN. did the judges see Claire bust it? i'm on pins and needles, don't let it be Lauren. Claire, I know you have a child to take care of at home, and you have the best intentions, but maybe there's something else you can do. YAY LAUREN. (don't mind me, I'm just rubbing it in Claire's face like she rubbed it in, oh what's her name? from last week)

judging from the promos for next week, Lauren gets a papercut and Anya overreacts thinking Lauren cut her entire hand off.